Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
