their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize