I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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