i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize