Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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