I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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