Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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