I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
