just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't want my vagina anymore.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
