does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
