If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
