I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
