my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
