I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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