Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
