Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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