After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
