Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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