So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
