He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Randomize
