i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
