I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize