Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
