I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
