Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
