I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We had to coat check the pizza.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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