When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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