We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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