I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize