Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
