perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
