This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
