So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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