Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
