Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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