Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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