I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
