'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
