I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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