my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have feelings that need drinking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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