Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
did i just pee glitter
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
