sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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