I think my vagina is haunted
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
