surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
