the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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