"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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