I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
