You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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