Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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