I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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