i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
