you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
