ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i need an iv and a liver transplant
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
