Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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