So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
