my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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