I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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