planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
