My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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