I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
