im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
